Voice Test: Canon mates and spoilers version

[finefuckery]

[ There is suddenly a knife at your throat, and a broad, firm body at your back. Whatever's back there reeks of sweat and blood and booze. The knife presses against the skin of your neck. Not hard enough to draw blood, not yet. ]


Hullo there. No screaming, if you please.

Comments

[finefuckery]

... maybe.

[eyediot]

That'd be her. It's what she does.

So could you maybe, possibly, take the knife from my throat because it wasn't entirely fun the first time it happened.

[finefuckery]

[ yeah OK takes away the knife ]

She a witch?

[eyediot]

[He's starting to get an idea of who this man is now oh boy.]

That's the easiest explanation, yes.

[finefuckery]

[ if you perceive me even a little I will stomp you to death with my hooves ]

Huh. Never met a witch.

[eyediot]

[Look life's already weird enough so this may as well happen, sure he'll explain that it's ok to like fancy silk and be butch at the same time IT'S OKAY. But he is breathing a sigh of relief and rubbing at where the knife got his neck a bit. Just above the scar Daisy left. Thanks.]

She isn't great. She seems like she is. She isn't.

[finefuckery]

Witches aren't particularly known for their hospitality, now are they?

[eyediot]

No.

So.

[Clears his throat finally turning to get a good look at oooh my. Oh dear.]

You.. Are. A pirate.

[finefuckery]

[ yes, even though he's not actively holding him at knife-point, he is still looming ]

Aye.

[eyediot]

[Well yar har fiddle dee dee.]

All right. Glad that's cleared up.

What, um. I don't know when Helen's door will come back so. In the meantime... wwhhhhhhat could I do for you.

[finefuckery]

All your valuables and nice bottle of brandy would be lovely, thank you.

[eyediot]

Well, you're in luck because I have neither.

[finefuckery]

Hmm. Too bad. Suppose it'll be spilling your gut, then.

[eyediot]

Um. While I'm sure that would be rousing fun, I don't think that will work so you really shouldn't bother trying because it would be quite a waste of effort on your part.

[finefuckery]

[ runs him through with sord ]

[eyediot]

[Don't mind the screaming, that's normal. What's probably not normal is the fact he doesn't immediately keel over? He just sort of crumples in on the blade looking down at it then up at him incredulously.]

Hey.

[finefuckery]

[ looks down, making sure he didn't miss the important bits. ]

Tough little fucker, eh?

[eyediot]

I did warn you it would be a waste of your effort.

[finefuckery]

You did, man, you did. Are you a witch? Maybe a cat?

[eyediot]

No, just an unlucky bastard.

[finefuckery]

[…………………… tries to just pull sword out and stab him again ]

[eyediot]

[Soon as the sword is out, he seems relieved enough. BUT THEN IT'S COMING BACK OH GOD WHY-

Ducks out of the way, onto the ground.]

Come on!

[finefuckery]

You come on!

[eyediot]

No, you got a stab in, same as anyone else. You're done.

[finefuckery]

[ You can see him going through the mental math if “two plus two equals (why can’t I stab this guy again) divided by (I want to stab him) to the power of (what if he really is a witch (or a cat))”.

Finally he arrives at the conclusion: ]

Yeah. Alright.