Voice Test: Canon mates and spoilers version

[finefuckery]

[ There is suddenly a knife at your throat, and a broad, firm body at your back. Whatever's back there reeks of sweat and blood and booze. The knife presses against the skin of your neck. Not hard enough to draw blood, not yet. ]


Hullo there. No screaming, if you please.

Comments

[passiveaggression]

[ he takes in a shuddering breath. the knife cuts a little more of his throat, but stede hardly notices. ]

I'm — It may seem that way. That night another man died and all I could think of was how I kept ruining everything, over and over and I couldn't even begin to think of — of love.

But I — I learned. I understand now. And I'm here. I'm here.

[finefuckery]

[ The knife at Stede’s throat lets up just a little, but the hand that grasps his shirt is white-knuckled. Ed’s breath is heavy, and rough, like he’s barely holding back a breakdown. There’s no way his voice can be trusted, so instead he just shakes his head in denial. ]

[passiveaggression]

[ gentler, and tentatively reaching to rest his hand upon ed's, as solid as he can be. ]

I am sorry. My heart yearned to go, but my head — It wasn't ready.

[finefuckery]

[ The rage in him had been a fire, but it is doused now, and all that’s left in him is cold, soggy ash. ]

You said- [ He has to take a few breaths through his nose to steady his voice. ] You said yes. And then you left me. You sent me to doggie heaven! But it’s doggie hell, Stede, it’s doggie hell!!

[passiveaggression]

[ at some point, he really needs context for doggie heaven, but it's not important right now. ]

But you're not. I'm here. You're here. We're here. It's not too late.

[finefuckery]

I should kill you. I should kill you and be done with all this- all this fucking feeling.

[ He drops his head against Stede's neck, smelling him? Yeah, he's smelling him. And trying not to cry. ]

You were right to leave, and a fool to come back.

[passiveaggression]

That's all right. There's no shame in being foolish in love.

[ stede rests his hands on ed's shoulders. he rubs in circles, calming. ]

And I'm fine with being a fool.

[finefuckery]

[ Ed just let out a horrible, quiet sound. A keening- a wounded animal noise. ]


Why?

[passiveaggression]

[ oh ed. stede never would have pictured this. not in a million years. if he hadn't come to terms with his heart and his guilt, he would have fled. given up.

now though. ]

Because I love you. I love you, Ed.

[finefuckery]

[ He makes another pained noise, like Stede is twisting a dagger in his guts. (Except, if it were just a dagger, he'd still never make a noise like this.) ]

You don't. You can't. I'm not- I'm not him.

[passiveaggression]

. . . I don't understand.

[finefuckery]

[ He spends another moment, breathing in Stede, feeling Stede.

Then he roughly pushes him away.

Now that Stede can get a proper look at him he looks terrible. Not just the kohl, but the way his eyes have sallowed out- sore from crying, baggy from a lack of sleep. His hair is grimy, his lips cracked, and he is very obviously drunk.

It takes him a moment to square his jaw, swallow down his tears. ]

There's no-... no Ed. Never was. Just Blackbeard.

[ There is nothing in him that deserves soft cashmere and soothing touches. Nothing that "wears fine things well." Nothing that could ever hope of being simply happy.

He can't take this. He can't take seeing what he can't have, and he knows he can't have this. Stede's wrong. Stede's confused. He had the right idea at running away, and he should have just stayed away instead of torturing him like this. ]

Go. Leave me be.

[passiveaggression]

[ stede nearly starts by saying that's absurd but then he takes a good look at ed. sees the fractures along the fautlines. ]

Do you . . . really want me to go?

[finefuckery]

[ Ed's face contorts as he tries to make himself say "yes." His lips twist, and he grimaces, but he can't do it. He can't make the word come out without his tears threatening to spill. So instead he just stares at Stede, stricken.

God, he's so tired. ]

[passiveaggression]

[ he relaxes a little, reaching out to gather ed in his arms. ]

It's all right. You're exhausted. We'll take it slow, all right? Bit by bit.

[finefuckery]

[ For a moment, he looks like he's going to flinch back, but he is exhausted. He can't fight this. So instead he lets Stede gather him up, fists both hands in Stede's sleeves, and lets out a ragged sob. ]

[passiveaggression]

[ stede quietly rubs his back. ]

It'll be all right.

[finefuckery]

[ Just clutching him tightly- ashamed of how taken apart he is, but there's nothing to be done about it. ]

Stede, Stede.

[passiveaggression]

I'm here. It's okay.

[finefuckery]

Fuck. Fuck.

[passiveaggression]

[ gently. ]

Ed. Is there something I should know?

[finefuckery]

[ Oh. Oh fuck. He had been so up in his own feelings he had forgotten the specifics of why he didn't deserve Stede back. He takes a deep breath, steadies himself, pulls back a little. ]

Oh. Oh fuck me.

[passiveaggression]

I beg your pardon?

[finefuckery]

Killed yer crew...

[passiveaggression]

What? No, I picked them up on the way.