Voice Test: no spoilers

[finefuckery]

[ There is a man in your bedroom! Or your kitchen, or just somewhere that is yours really. He is dressed head to toe in highly functional black leather, and has an incredible greying mane. He smells like sweat and the sea, and inexplicably of... lavender?

And he's touching things. He's touching everything. Just casually picking up trinkets and turning them over in his hands. ]

Now this? This is neat. This is cool. What do you call this?

Comments

[finefuckery]

[ inspects it a moment ]

Looks like a water pipe for idiots.

[1bit]

Same thing. Don't drop it. That carpet can't take another stain and my mother might actually kill me.

[With just a whisper-soft tearing of duct tape, the switchblade drops into his palm. He pulls his hand back into the sleeves of his oversized hoodie and keeps COOL. COLLECTED. Ignore those beads of sweat collecting along his shaved hair line.]

[finefuckery]

[ Blackbeard just levels him a look. Are we going to do this, Sport? ]

[1bit]

[Well, not if you're still holding his $65 bong, mate. On the bed, something that vaguely resembles a twenty three-year old Tamagotchi starts to trill a warning beep. The screen turns bright. She's feeling nervous.]

[finefuckery]

[ !! he startles, staring at the Tamagotchi ]

[1bit]

[Text begins to scroll across the tiny display...

" I'M A DISTRACTION. ^_^ "

And as daddy's little helper does her very best, this plucky teen is aiming the business end of the switch-blade he found in the bathroom of a dive bar into the man's -- uh -- uh -- shit. He hesitates.]

[finefuckery]

[ WHOOPS GRABS HIM AND FLIPS HIM OVER ONTO HIS BED WITH A KNIFE AT HIS THROAT ]

Settle down there, kiddo, unless you'd like a few new holes.

[1bit]

[One long beat as he sprints through his options (none), and then a second. Somewhere outside the bedroom's bay window, the neighbor's dog barks at a passing car. Ma didn't raise a pacifist -- he bares his teeth.]

You smell like someone took a shit on a beach.